45 Minutes.

By now, you've likely all heard about what happened today on my campus. For those that don't know, around 11:30 this morning, everyone on OU's campus was alerted of possible shots fired in one of our buildings and students were advised to seek shelter until further notice. Within minutes, the entire south part of our campus was full of police and SWAT teams, and after about 45 minutes, we were told to resume our normal activities and that they believed it to be a false alarm, most likely the backfiring of one of the construction vehicles. 

It was the most surreal 45 minutes of my life.

I was sitting in our Student Union, talking to my dad when I heard my phone get a text. I checked the text telling us what was going on and quickly began to realize what was happening - and the overwhelming quiet of the usually loud Union only confirmed the one thing I never imagined to happen on my campus.

It's a sad reality to live in a generation where school shootings aren't uncommon. It's something I have always been sympathetic to, but it's nothing you ever expect to actually happen to you. I don't know how many times I've asked myself what I would do in this kind of situation, and told myself that I would know exactly what to do - after all, part of my training for work includes how to act during an intruder situation. 

But it didn't click immediately. I sat for a minute before I realized what was going on. And then I said a quick prayer, pleading for safety in a few seconds, then I texted my parents to let them know I was okay, and then I headed upstairs to wait until we were given the all clear.

Some may read this and say that it's too dramatic. Nothing happened. But for what seemed like forever, I didn't know that. And it was in those moments that I began to realize where my priorities lay.

Before all of this happened, I had been group texting two of my best friends about a blog we had read by a pastor who just had some really bad theology. One of our biggest qualms was with the fact that he didn't believe God had a plan for things, at least, for bad things. Now, that was only one of our issues with the guy, but it became so relevant in that time. It's so easy to ask how God can plan things like this - unthinkable, unexplainable, senseless acts - and still be a good God. We can't fathom that because we can't fathom the full weight of sovereignty. I don't believe God wants us to just have a miserable life, but I do believe that God allows for absolutely tragic things to happen to grow us and to remind us how small we are and how small He isn't. We need that reminder. In a generation full of arrogance and independence, we've forgotten that we aren't invincible. I do not believe God simply punishes us for being bad, because that would contradict His grace, but I do believe that He allows things to happen to bring us back to Him so He can remind us of that grace.

And this is what I thought about. There were about four people in that room with me, but waiting for that time became a time of worship between God and I because all I could do was be thankful that He is bigger than any situation I could face. Yes, I was absolutely terrified. But there was also a strange peace. During that time, I received so many texts and Facebook messages checking to see that I was safe, and it was encouraging. People I don't talk to often, even a couple that I haven't been on the best of terms with, and then, of course, my dearest friends and family, were showing they cared, even if it was in as few words as, "are you okay?"

I've always wondered what I would do. Would I shut down? Would I be brave? Would I get angry?

At some point during that 45 minutes, I was all three. But above all, I was peaceful. And thankful. And loved. 

After finding out it was a false alarm, campus went back to "normal," if you include the remaining police and SWAT team doing a second sweep of the architecture building as normal. It was only normal in the sense of classes going on as scheduled. It was all anyone could talk about for the rest of the day. And even though it was a false alarm, I think, in those 45 minutes, that our school became a community. We learned not to take each other for granted. To appreciate everything. And we learned that we aren't invincible. 

As I finish up this post, I want to say thank you to the law enforcement and faculty of Norman and the University of Oklahoma for such a quick, well-organized response to what could have been a tragic situation. Because of today, I feel safe knowing how quickly and efficiently a situation can be put under control. Although none of them may see this, I am thankful for the selflessness I saw in so many today. I also want to add that this is strictly a post from my point of view. I can only empathize in the slightest with anyone who has ever been in a real intruder situation, and this is in no way written to be a comparison. 

If I've taken anything from today, it's that you can never say "I love you, and I care about you" too many times.

So, if you're reading this (or if you aren't), know this one thing: I love you, and I care about you.